Let’s Clear the Air-Sex Therapy Is Not Sex With Your Therapist
Myths, facts, legal lines, and the radical act of knowing your erotic self
One thing I’ve come across far too often..in my inbox, in emails, even in casual conversations—is a persistent and harmful assumption: that if a licensed therapist specializes in sex therapy, works with BDSM communities, or is kink-knowledgeable, the sessions must be “hands-on.” Let me be absolutely clear———that could not be further from the truth.
This post isn’t just a response..it's a reference point. Something I can point people to when they want to understand what sex therapy is and what it absolutely is not. Because professional boundaries in this field aren’t just about office policy—they’re rooted in legal, ethical, and civil responsibilities. Confusing them can lead to serious harm.
Sex therapy is one of the most misunderstood areas in the mental health field. Blame it on porn culture, sensational headlines, or just plain ignorance…
Say it with me this time—— Sex therapy is not sex with your licensed therapist. Ever.
If that’s what you’re looking for, you’re not seeking therapy…you’re chasing a fantasy. and not just a misguided one. You're flirting with ethical violations, legal consequences, and serious harm.
This isn’t provocative.
It’s criminal.
Licensed therapists work within strict ethical boundaries to help clients explore intimacy, sexuality, and relationships—not to act them out. Confusing that distinction doesn’t make you daring.
It makes you dangerously misinformed. Thats ok, I got you.. this is what this post is for.
Sex therapy is about doing the hard, honest work of understanding yourself. It’s not about getting off; it’s about getting real…unpacking trauma, confronting the shame you were handed, questioning the beliefs you never chose, and relearning what sexual health can look like when it’s yours, not someone else’s script.
Some of the main purposes of sex therapy is to help individuals and couples explore, understand, and improve their sexual health and relationships. It’s a form of talk therapy that addresses psychological, emotional, relational, and sometimes physical factors affecting sexuality. At its core, sex therapy is about creating a safe space for people to unlearn harmful narratives, reconnect with their bodies, and define healthy, fulfilling sexuality on their own terms.
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What the Law and Ethics Say (Texas Edition)
In Texas, sexual contact between a therapist and a client is a crime, with no ex ceptionseven if the client “consents.”
Texas Penal Code §22.011(b)(9) classifies such behavior as sexual assault.
Texas Health and Safety Code §164.052(a)(5) prohibits mental health providers from engaging in sexual contact with current clients.
Consent is legally invalid when there is a power imbalance. A licensed therapist cannot legally have sex with a client. Period.
Let me add in some more layers………………………..
ACA Code of Ethics
According to the American Counseling Association (ACA):
A.5.a. – “Sexual and/or romantic counselor–client interactions or relationships with current clients… are prohibited.”
A.5.c. – “Counselors are prohibited from engaging in counseling relationships with persons with whom they have had a previous sexual and/or romantic relationship.”
Any violation can result in license revocation, civil penalties, and criminal charges. There are no gray zones.
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So What Is Sex Therapy?
Sex therapy is talk therapy……….not hands-on, not physical—with a focus on:
Sexual health and functioning
Intimacy
Trauma healing
Desire, arousal, and erotic identity
Communication and emotional connection
Cultural, religious, and societal messages about sex
It helps people understand their sexual self with clarity, compassion, and confidence. It’s about reclaiming your body, story, and erotic truth…….not reenacting a fantasy.
What a Sex Therapist Actually Does
Sex therapists are licensed professionals who help clients:
Address mismatched libido and lack of desire
Explore kinks, fantasies, or non-monogamy
Heal from religious sexual shame or trauma
Communicate better with partners about sex
Work through erectile dysfunction, anorgasmia, premature ejaculation, or vaginismus
Rebuild sexual connection after betrayal, illness, or trauma
Sessions… AGAIN… are talk-based, private, and bound by ethics, professionalism, and confidentiality.
What to Look for in a Legit Sex Therapist
Specialized Training – Look for certifications or extensive training in sex therapy education.
Comfortable and Judgment-Free Space – You should feel safe saying what you’ve never said out loud.
Clear Boundaries
Regular Progress Check-Ins – Therapy should move you toward healing, not deepen dependence or fantasy.
Reflective Questions to Ask Yourself Before Starting Sex Therapy:
What’s my relationship to sexual shame?
Have I carried guilt or secrecy around my desires, orientation, or experiences?Am I experiencing distress in my sex life or relationships?
Does something feel off, disconnected, painful, or numb?Have I experienced trauma that affects my ability to trust, feel, or enjoy sex?
Do I want to explore a part of my sexuality that I’ve never voiced?
Kink, polyamory, erotic power, religious taboo, fantasy?Do I want a healthier relationship with my body, pleasure, and desire?
Am I ready to be honest—with myself and someone trained to hold space for it?
Do I understand that sex therapy is not erotic entertainment, but deep healing?
You deserve safety, dignity, and boundaries in all therapeutic spaces.
Know Thyself. That’s the Real Turn-On.
Sex therapy isn’t here to perform for you. It’s here to mirror you…your wounds, wants, confusion, power, and untapped erotic intelligence.
The more you know… :)
Goodnight